How to Write the Most Popular Apple Article Ever


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How to Write the Most Popular Apple Article Ever

How to Write the Most Popular Apple Article Ever

by Devanshu Mehta
Mar 15, 2007

After writing for Apple Matters for nearly a year and on various blogs for even longer, I feel I now have my finger on the pulse of the Apple community. So much so that I have a pretty good idea of how to get that pulse racing. Here are a few tongue-in-cheek tips to write the most popular Apple article ever:

  • Mention Microsoft
  • Better still, mention Vista. And Bill Gates. You can say how Apple does things better than Microsoft, or even better, say how Microsoft does something better. Even if it is completely off-topic, bring in a little mention in the middle of the article.

  • Announce a Rumor
  • Don’t have one? Make one up! Now you’re wondering how to make up a rumor. Well this is what you do—think of a new consumer electronics market that Apple has not entered and say that it will enter that market. Example: “Apple to enter the digital thermostat industry!” Or, take two popular electronic software devices and say Apple is merging them into a new iDevice. The lower-case “i” lends credibility to your story. On that subject—

  • Write About the Next Apple Love-fest Conference
  • And tie it in to the rumor announced. Example: “The new iCrowave, Apple’s ipod-driven Microwave, is going to be announced at the WWDC this spring!”

  • Talk About Market share
  • And make big claims about it too. Take small pieces of data and extrapolate them. Take statistics of market share growth rates and find out what happens if those rates continued for 100 years. Then you could have a headline that says “Analysts Say Apple Market share to Climb to 87%,” hiding the details in the body of the article where you admit that it will not happen until the year 2109.

  • Lawsuits
  • Everybody loves lawsuits. Potential lawsuits, rumored lawsuits, pending, actual—readers love them some legal action. Popular Apple legal issues come in two varieties—ones where Apple is the bully going after the little guy and ones where other corporations are the bullies and Apple is standing up for the little guy.

  • Processor Upgrades
  • The next Dell XPS will have an Intel dual core double-espresso core six quattro, you say, and no one cares. Say the same thing about the Mac and suddenly you’re on the front page of Digg, Slashdot, and the New York Times.

  • And Now, the iPhone
  • Until recently, you just had to say iPod in your article and it would exude coolness. Now, you have to say iPhone. Couple that word with a lawsuit or a rumor (or any of the previous tips) and you have a real winner.

  • Love Apple
  • Writing only in superlatives—backing up your arguments, of course—describe how the next Apple product is the best. Mask the fact that you have not actually used the next Apple product by citing “industry insiders” and “leading experts.”

  • Hate Apple
  • There is only so much traffic you can get from an “I love Apple” article. If you really want to bring the readers out of the woodwork, you have to write an “I hate Apple” piece. Even a mildly critical article will do. You can say, “I love absolutely everything about Apple, except for this little annoying Preference Pane in Mac OS X” and you will still bring thousands of Preference Pane defenders to your article. It’s fascinating.

    Of course, if I know all these tips, why don’t I have the most popular Apple article ever? I’m wondering that myself—maybe this one will be.

    Based on these tips, let me know in the comments what the most popular Apple article’s title would be. Example: “Gates Rumored to Pursue Legal Action Against Flawed Quad Duo iPhone After its Market share Doubles.”

    By Allen Yang

    Just a tiny guy!

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